The Silver Lining (Happiness is Peanut Butter!)

In 2006, my husband and I decided to move our family to Massachusetts after living our entire lives in Connecticut. This was a big decision for us and our two children met our announcement with enthusiastic remarks including, “You are ruining my life” and “I will hate you forever!” Like most good parents, we attempted to appease our unhappy children with a bribe. Adopting a dog was the ultimate bargaining chip, but it came with conditions.  As my husband and I were occasional work-at-home professionals we could not have a noisy, boisterous dog interrupting us on the phone. My children insisted that finding a quiet dog would be impossible and what I really wanted was a cardboard cutout of a dog. I had to agree, until we met Maggie.

Maggie is an unusual Welsh Corgi/Lemon Beagle/who-knows-what mix with fluffy marmalade and white fur and a compact, low-slung body. Purported not to bark, Maggie instead communicated with a repertoire of whines, yowls, sighs, and other sounds reminiscent of cartoon dogs. Just the right size, with big expressive ears and vocally amusing, she seemed the ideal dog.

Maggie came to us a bit underweight and with worn down teeth from being chained outdoors. It quickly became apparent that Maggie had not been treated well and as a result did not expect much of us – a perfect fit for ignorant, first-time dog owners. We offered plenty of love, a soft bed and most importantly, an abundance of food. It did not take long for Maggie to realize that she had won the dog lottery and settled right in as one of the family. (I’m the center of the universe!)

Over the years we have had our share of mischievous behavior surrounding Maggie’s love of all things edible including a stolen ham (My stubby legs do reach the counter!), missing muffins (Pumpkin is my favorite!), and most recently, the disappearance of an entire sheet cake. (Do you think this cake makes me look fat?) But this year proved to be our most eventful one yet.

After repeatedly putting off dental treatment for our dog (I have a hard enough time getting us all to the dentist), I finally decided to have Maggie’s worn-down nubbins removed when my vet sent a coupon for discounted dental procedures. Since I am a sucker for a good coupon, I dropped Maggie off for minor dental surgery.  Of course, minor surgery turned into major surgery and resulted in the majority of her teeth being removed. When I arrived at the vet, Maggie cheerfully ambled out, weaving slightly with her tongue lolling out of her mouth. The vet reassured me that she would eventually learn to keep her tongue in her mouth despite her lack of teeth. In the meantime, I owned a dog that resembled Gene Simmons.

A few days later I was giving Maggie her pain meds using a narrow silicone spatula to reach the bottom of the peanut butter jar. Maggie loves peanut butter and will eat anything embedded in it – pain pills, rocks, shoes, etc. The pills were going down easily when suddenly she got this crazy look in her eye, used her two remaining teeth to grab the spatula and promptly ate it. I was left holding the empty handle futilely yelling NO, STOP, DROP! To no avail; the spatula was gone. I was beyond distraught, but Maggie was quite pleased with herself. (Peanut butter is my favorite!)

Back at the vet, I waited for the results of her X-ray, spatula handle in one hand and my credit card in the other. Maggie wagged joyfully and investigated the biscuits on the counter. (Treats are my favorite!) The bad news was that silicone does not dissolve and was not “just passing through.”  The good news was we got the frequent flyer surgical rate. As Maggie happily trotted off to surgery number two (Another adventure!), I took a deep breath and signed the consent form to retrieve the world’s most expensive spatula.

Two days later Maggie, aka Frankendoggie, was home and feeling just fine. She had no apparent after effects from either surgery with the exception of a few stitches and an assortment of shaved patches (belly, leg, back). After eating her first special post-op dinner Maggie pawed around her bowl trying to determine if there was more hiding under it. (Remarkably delicious!)  Apparently $6.95 a can is significantly tastier than a scoop of dry kibble worth 49¢. Dogs, I have learned, can always find the silver lining.

I wish I could say Maggie has learned a lesson, but she still has the brain power of a newt, the appetite of goat and the relentlessly sunny disposition of a dog. (Did someone say peanut butter? Peanut butter is my favorite!) In the meantime, I keep my credit card at the ready and my spatulas in a locked drawer, because when you own a dog you never know what life may dish up.